OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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