mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
kristin has been a bad kristin
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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