I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
