if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
