He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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