i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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