let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
