So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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