He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
