you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
