Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Say something about gay babies.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
