Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
