don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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