I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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