plz talk dirty to me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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