Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
