just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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