I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
