i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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