he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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