you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
