do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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