i was born a porn star she said
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
