Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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