Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
