capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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