We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
