i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
