No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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