somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
