So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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