so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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