yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish life had little blips of pornography
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
