you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
