i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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