This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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