Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
