my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
