dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
