So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
