i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
