I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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