This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
its liver damage thursday
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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