my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the day after is always just damage control
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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