My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
