everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
