Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
