I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
