i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
