I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wish my penis had a tongue
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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